The whole process of making and awaiting the arrival of a new baby has been quite enlightening. If sometimes I've not dwelled on the finer details of our thought processes along the way in this blog it's either been because it was too painful (this blog is my happy space for recording achivements and fun times not heartbreak), or we felt it too soon to look so far ahead, or suddenly we felt confident but it now seemed too late for a retrospective. However now here we are at 39 weeks and 2 day and there may be no better time for a bit of a summary.
Pregnancy's been a massive learning curve. Whatever you think you know beforehand turns out to insufficiently prepare you for the reality of it all. Here's a compendium of what I have learned so far:
#1 - People are very kind. I've learned that total strangers on the bus are often delightfully kind and considerate, complete strangers on the street will ask you how you are and bus drivers pause for an extra second to let you take a seat (most of the time).
#2 - You can't rely on female colleagues to be understanding but a good working environment absolutely can make or break your state of mind during this time. A supportive and flexible environment is a must because the reality of midwife and other appointments tends to make life additionally haphazard and there's nothing you can do about that.
#3 - Taking on the part of Olive Madison in the Odd Couple was a genius way of distracting myself from the stress of being pregnant. I had a project to focus on that seemed much more iminent, was directly under my control, and which without my full commitment assured public humiliation on a massive scale. So for those early months when I could have driven myself crazy paying attention to every fluctuation and change I had a good project to dive into to keep myself sane. Yes it was tiring but well worth it. Not many guides to pregnancy suggest this bit of advice but if you're a worrier it might actually be a good idea to take on a new separate challenge that knackers you out! After all it may be your last chance for a while to do something that's all about you.
#4 - When the chaos of the play had calmed down at nearly 6 months I was desperate to focus my attention on actually being pregnant. It was a real relief to start Cat's Pregnancy Yoga class in Moseley and to do something for the little guy inside. The last few weeks of the play had made me feel very conflicted; scared that I wasn't resting enough, guilty about not being any use around the house and desperate to prove to myself that I could achieve something special. When it was over I needed to step back and feel like I could start to support Al again around the house with little things but also start to get my head around this pregnancy lark. I also felt very fragile. The yoga class gave me back some confidence in my own physicality, connect with the changes in my body and begin to advance towards making sensible decisions! I have always liked moving around and done different dance and gym classes but when I came out of the play bubble I suddenly had no idea about what my body could do, all I knew was everyone was telling me 'Be careful' about a hundred times a day. It felt great to be with other ladies who didn't constatntly comment on the bump and find out how to avoid practical issues like back aches etc. The class has saved me!
#5 - After ages of hoping for a baby and seemingly ages of thinking this might finally be it but not being able to tell anyone suddenly everyone's saying 'Won't be long now!' and it dawns on you that you've got about a thousand things to buy and sort out. For ages we didn't dare even talk about after Bean's birth' then there was a shift and we started to accept reality and talk about things even though we didn't buy anything until about 7 months in. I'm a great list-maker and at 6 months began approaching project Bean like with my usual attention to detail. It helps me get my head around things. We got the guest room ready which was the first step towards being able to sort out the nursery. When we finally got started on Bean's nursery it felt like a massive deal to me! I kept crossing things off my lists and making new ones and eventually, now, I have officially run out of things to do!
#6 - After the play I suddenly had loads of energy because the rehearsals had been so energy sapping in the last 8 weeks. So even though I was in the 3rd trimester and officially supposed to be feeling rubbish I felt great! This carried me through until relatively recently and even now I still feel fine just with the need to sit a lot more than normal... As a result we packed in loads of socialising and I think this will have been very important when we're feeling knackered in a few months time and looking back!
#7 - Friends and family are amazingly generous. There have been so many kind gifts over the last weeks from people who really didn't have to at all that I'd like to name them here.
Lucy from CRT managed to get her hands on a beautifully crafted hand-made blanket and then because I missed my last official day she wasn't even there for me to thank!
Marilyn, also from CRT, who must have spent hours and hours sewing the most intricate and beautiful 4 traditional style gowns.
Teresa who knitted a baby hat in blue and green while they stayed with us, bless! and who also gave me loads of useful advice about breastfeeding and re-usable nappies - thank you so much!
Tieta Teresa who sent a package including 2 home made bibs and told mum it would be like she was there to give him a hug if he wore them!
The baby shower girls Danielle St Leon, Danielle Sumner, Susie Emerton, Ruth Gallagher, Vicki Gilhouly, Laura Collins with Emma, Ben (honorary girl for the day) and mum Gill Nunnerly, Wendy St Leon, my mum (of course :)), Pauline Weaver, Teresa Salter with Sian, Catherine Shelley and Claire Davies,who were so incredibly generous in their gifts.
Bernadette Anne and Laura Collins (LC) who missed the official baby shower and brought cake and MORE presents with them - just the cake would have been enough guys!
Nathan and Laura Collins who have sorted us out with so much stuff and advice we can't begin to thank them enough. All we can do is hope that over the years we can repay them!
Thanks also to Pilar Balsells for the socks and to the many people who I know have been praying for and thinking of us because they've told mum. It's very much appreciated!
#8 - The theory may not end up having anything to do with reality but I always feel better going into something if I'm prepared. I've read a lot of books and talked to a lot of women, mothers midwives and experts. The Womens Hospital in Birmingham is quite progressive it seems and follows a philosophy of 'active' rather than 'managed' birth. That's to say they try and avoid interventions. Giving birth in the birth centre means you're not tied to a bed like you see on telly, there is a bed but there are also birth balls to sit on, the use of a birth pool, a fabric loop to hang off and comfy squishy things for you or parrtner to lie about on. Instead of being strapped to a bed you're able to wander about, stretch, take a bath, eat and basically jiggle around until baby comes out. Anatomically lying down is the worst position to be in for birth as your baby has to fight against gravity. Me and Al have both taken the Parent Education (organised by the charity NCT) and Yoga Birth preparation classes now and I think feel a lot clearer about how it's supposed to work. Combined with a meditation cd and all the yoga classes I'm feeling very calm indeed. Of course we'll see once the pain kicks in but at the moment I really want to do this without any drugs at all: wish us luck!
#9 - Waiting is the worst bit. Just no idea how long he'll be but as long as he's ok I don't mind. Been keeping busy cooking but have now officially run out of tupperware and space in the freezer so guess I'll have to stop! The sun came out in a last, bright and beautiful, Indian summer and it's been easy enough to fill the time visiting nurseries, doing breastfeeding and first aid class, visiting Kings Heath Breastfeeding club, meeting other pregnant ladies for a drink and so on. Now though the bags are packed, there's nothing good on telly and the blog is up to date. There's nothing left to say except 'Come on Bean'!
